Holiday Survival Guide (Eating Disorder Edition)
The holiday season is stressful for most of us — but add an eating disorder into the mix and it can be the most triggering and challenging time of the year. Whether its the normalization of binge-eating (hello Thanksgiving), the disordered way your aunt talks about how “bad” she is for eating Christmas cookies, or simply the anxiety of being around so much merriment when you feel so down…the holiday season can feel like the opposite of merry and bright.
As an eating disorder therapist practicing virtually throughout California and in-person with clients local to Orange County, I am well-versed in the unique challenges the colder months bring to those of us with a disordered food relationship. Moreover, as a person with ten years of eating disorder recovery under my belt, I’ve personally navigated the holidays with an eating disorder many times over.
This blog post will give you a step-by-step survival guide for prioritizing your eating disorder recovery, navigating triggers, and finding enjoyment again in the holidays despite the hard moments.
Read on!
Step One: Anticipate Your Triggers
You probably know by now that certain people, places, thoughts, content, or words trigger your eating disorder more than others. Now is a great time to re-familiarize yourself with exactly what these triggers are, and how they might present themselves uniquely during the holidays.
Start by taking out your calendar — what holiday events are coming up? Can you imagine what it will feel like to be there? Do what you can to assess beforehand the triggers you might encounter during these events.
Next — make a list. Let me get you started by naming a few of the most common holiday triggers I hear about from my clients in eating disorder therapy:
Family comments on weight, food, or diets
Gatherings totally centered on food (Thanksgiving feasts, cookie baking parties, potlucks, religious dinners)
Changes in your usual routine — if you’re comfortable with your meal plan, eating at odd times and eating outside of your safe foods can be very tough.
Photos and family pictures
Encountering food that brings up memories — things that used to bring joy but have now become fear foods…
The list goes on…I encourage you to write these down and add your own.
When you can anticipate the triggers you might face, you can also plan ahead to cope with them better.
Work with your therapist to come up with coping tools, canned responses, and emergency button actions to help you in the moment. Having a clear plan will reduce your anxiety attending these events, and allow you to focus on enjoying your time!
Step Two: Set Realistic Boundaries with Friends & Family
Unfortunately, friends and family don’t always understand what it feels like to have an eating disorder. And they aren’t always going to know what to say or do to support you.
This is where setting boundaries and providing guidance to your loved ones can be super impactful. Define clearly what IS and IS NOT helpful for you by having an open conversation with your circle of support before the holidays kick off.
Especially around topics like food, exercise, weight, appearance, and dieting — let your family members know what is not supportive to your recovery. The goal here is to open up, increase the understanding of your support system, and recruit allies going into these difficult holiday events.
When you know you have someone by your side that understands your boundaries, they can help you navigate and steer clear of triggers, triggering conversations, and triggering people.
Remember that boundaries are not a “one and done” conversation — they often have to be repeated and consistently upheld for others to understand it. In my therapy practice in Orange County, I often have family members join our sessions during the holiday season to help my clients struggling with eating disorders find the words and phrases that are most effective in setting these boundaries and expectations. Together, we gently let family members know what the boundaries are, and how my client will respond if they are crossed.
For example, “If you bring up your diet at the Thanksgiving table, I will have to excuse myself for 10-15 minutes as diet-talk makes it really hard for me to feed myself.”
Step Three: Prioritize Self-Care & Mental Health Support
This tip is self-explanatory. Taking care of your mind, body, and spirit during this time is more important than ever! And seeking mental health support is probably the best way to ensure you make it through the holiday season relapse and eating disorder free.
My practice in Tustin, CA was founded with the mission to provide expert eating disorder therapist from professionals you can actually relate to. And if you’re not an Orange County local but still need eating disorder therapy — we offer therapy virtually throughout California state!
Working with a therapist that really gets you and understands eating disorders is essential. Your therapist will help you develop your unique roadmap to recovery and will provide individualized guidance to surviving your personal triggers during the holidays.
If recovering from your eating disorder is a priority (especially as the year comes to a close) working with a therapist is my top recommendation. Eating disorder recovery is not meant to be a DIY!
Step Four: Create a Personal “Holiday Survival Kit”
I LOVE making these with my eating disorder therapy clients.
Your personal holiday survival kit can be physical or metaphorical, filled with grounding skills, tools, soothing objects, calming scents, and stress-reducing practices that you can take with you to any moment during the season that may be overwhelming for your eating disorder.
I offer my clients skills and tools that help to challenge eating disorder thoughts, give you “go-to” actions for managing urges, and act as “SOS” emergency button practices in moments of extreme stress and anxiety.
Take a moment to brainstorm:
What brings you comfort?
Is there a person you can call that always provides a sense of support and safety?
What is your favorite form of distraction? (I love a good Hallmark movie this time of year!)
Is there an object your can reach for that will soothe your senses? (a holiday candle or warm cup of tea?)
Really consider what you might need to recenter yourself — bonus points if you can make these resources holiday themed for fun!
Step Five: Mindset of Progress, Not Perfection
Eating disorder recovery is hard enough without the added triggers of the holiday season. If you are finding it difficult to stay on track and even fall into a bit of a relapse, the last thing I want you to do is beat yourself up.
Shame is actually one of the biggest contributing factors to the cycle of disordered eating — so shaming yourself for having a hard time is anything but helpful. Focus on progress instead of perfection in your eating disorder recovery. Having a hard day or slipping up does not mean you’re doing recovery “wrong.” Slipping up is actually a very normal part of the recovery process!
What builds strength in recovery is getting back up and getting back on track — again, and again, and again.
Approach this season with compassion, self-forgiveness, and gentleness above all else. Remember to lean on your support system, reach out for help, and give yourself the care you so deserve.
Perfection in recovery will never happen, and the holiday season is the very last time to expect that of yourself! Your eating disorder journey does not have to be derailed by a hard moment.
Just do the next “right” thing and offer yourself an abundance of kindness in the process.
Now is the best time to reach out for support!
You might be tempted to kick your eating disorder recovery into high-gear once the New Year starts. But there has never been a better time to seek support than RIGHT NOW.
Having a skilled eating disorder therapist by your side during the holiday season is the biggest holiday hack of them all! Take the guesswork out of how to navigate that office Christmas party or what to say to your Granny who always comments on your weight at Thanksgiving.
An eating disorder therapist will walk alongside you providing expert guidance that is totally tailored to your specific needs. That’s what we do at SoCal Wellness Group (both in-person in Orange County and virtually throughout California state)!
Don’t wait until January 1st to get started — reach out today!
